The Updated More Eloquent Rant

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Recently it came to my attention that MTV has plans to remake The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Who is the market for this? The original plays quite well in theaters the world over. It's a midnight movie staple. It's generational. Parents and their children sit side by side, shout at the screen and throw toilet paper among other things. One could argue that like a lot of remakes these days the intent is for the original material to reach a new audience. But that makes no sense. Since when I look around when my local theater plays "Rocky" most of the audience is teenagers. One could only assume that MTV figures with the success of other musicals aimed at teens this would succeed too.

Look at those successful musicals we're talking about. "Highschool Musical," which was just a trite little pop confection that Disney has spun into a whole line of products. Or "Hairspray" which has great intent but is pretty toothless compared to the original. John Waters even in his lightest work paints with a sharp brush. Too sharp for Hollywood these days.

The original "Rocky Horror" is no great cinematic masterpiece. The sets are cheap, the costumes cheaper, and the effects awful. But you know what it's got heart. Lots of it. And an anarchic glee that doesn't care if you get all the references to 50's sci-fi movies. Nor does it care what particular sexual stripe you prescribe to. It's just fun. As Brad and Janet both attest in the film it's not right "but isn't it nice." That's what big name stars and production values can't do.

MTV has even suggested there might be new songs. The originals are classics. No need to discus that any further.

Not to mention the fact that mainstream theaters couldn't carry the thing. Movie going nowadays has become a sterile affair. Shouting at the screen!!? Throwing stuff!!? That would be inexcusable in most chain theaters. So how could a MTV produced blockbuster marketed to big theaters match the energy and the chaos of a real Rocky Horror show. Broadway tried this a few years ago and it didn't last long. What was missing? The interaction. What has made the original great.

When the show was first on stage and first shown in theaters it wasn't about the call outs and the props. That stuff came later. It's the kind of spontaneous outgrowth that a producer or marketer could never have seen coming. The people made it. They were adding to the film. And as years have gone on new phrases and call backs have grown out.

I remember seeing Rocky performed in front of a screen at an outdoor performance in August of 2004. When Frank asked "Whatever happened to Fay Raye?" Someone called back "She died." Part of me thought to soon. And part of me thought damned funny. It was the sort of spontaneity that the show elicits. I have heard some clever call backs in my day. And sometimes strangely they differ by where you live. Weird right. But also the distilled heart of cult film. You can look new call backs up online if you want. There are always more. References on references. What MTV and the suits don't get is this was YouTube before YouTube.

No remake could ever match the DIY attitude that made the original so memorable. Nothing the show has become and none of that which it has inspired is improved upon by a remake. The movie has been a touchstone for generations of misfits. Don't dream it be it. Save the lips. Stop the remake.

- Matt